Ngā whakawhanaungatanga – Reciprocal and responsive relationships 

Attachment describes the unique bond formed between people as a result of their interactions. It helps shape how individuals act on and reciprocate in their relationships and how they understand the workings of the social world.  

Research suggests that adults who consistently support infants and toddlers to feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure provide the conditions conducive to forming a secure attachment relationship. When children develop secure attachments, they can generally be comforted when distressed and view the adults they have an attachment to as a 'secure base' from which to explore their environment when they are not distressed.  

A secure attachment fosters a child’s sense of comfort and stability, allowing them to engage authentically with the world and others. Securely attached infants and toddlers approach new opportunities and challenges with openness, curiosity, and receptiveness rather than rigidity, fear, or reactivity. 

While attachment theory has faced critique for overlooking diversity, its insights into the impact of early relational experiences on later development remain central in informing effective relational pedagogy with infants and toddlers. 

In the Mana atua | Wellbeing strand of Te Whāriki, the importance of consistency and continuity for children is highlighted, particularly during times of transition. In early childhood settings, this means ensuring predictability in daily rhythms, routines, and resources. It also requires consistency in kaiako and in responsive care practices with each child. 

In some settings, this consistency and continuity of care is achieved through infants and toddlers having a ‘primary caregiver’ or ‘key teacher’. Here, a kaiako assumes the main responsibility for providing attuned and sensitive care to a small group of children. This approach allows the kaiako to support each child by facilitating responsive transitions and care routines (eating, sleeping, dressing, and toileting) throughout the day. In this role the kaiako also serves as the first point of contact for the child’s parents and whānau. A healthy primary caregiving relationship is not exclusively between one kaiako and child. The kaiako encourages the child to develop relationships with other kaiako and children. 

Continuity of care for infants and toddlers also means that children remain with the same kaiako for extended periods of time, sometimes over several years. Such an arrangement gives kaiako, children, and their whānau, time to get to know each other. Frequent changes of kaiako can disrupt the development and maintenance of trusting, secure attachment relationships which are critical for a child’s learning and emotional development. For leaders in early childhood settings, implementing a continuity of care approach has staffing implications for the placement and distribution of kaiako in the early childhood setting over time. 

For Māori and Pacific communities, care is traditionally communal and intergenerational, so a primary caregiving model may not align with these cultural practices. Instead, kaiako might adopt an approach where infants and toddlers are cared for by multiple trusted kaiako and even older children within the setting.

Reciprocity is a recurrent theme in Te Whāriki. In early childhood settings, reciprocal relationships occur between kaiako, children, and whānau; all are involved in building and maintaining the relationship. Reciprocal relationships involve open communication, collaboration, and active engagement with each other's perspectives and knowledge. Such reciprocity reflects the Māori concept of ‘ako,’ which means to both teach and learn. It acknowledges that we can learn from each other, and that we all benefit from shared learning experiences. 

Responsive and reciprocal relationships with kaiako to whom they have a secure attachment support infants’ and toddlers’ social and emotional learning. When kaiako observe children closely and tune in to their verbal and non-verbal communication, they can support children’s developing social and emotional competence through intentionally modelling and scaffolding strategies for: 

• recognising emotions  
• managing emotions (self-regulation), and   
• developing resilience (the ability to adapt and bounce back in the face of challenges).   

To help infants and toddlers learn to self-regulate, kaiako co-regulate with them. Co-regulation involves kaiako fostering feelings of calm and safety for children through tone of voice, facial expressions, soothing words, and affectionate touch. Kaiako can also co-regulate with other adults to assist them in the sometimes challenging work of maintaining responsive and reciprocal relationships with various people in an early childhood setting.   

Infants and toddlers can develop, maintain, and repair reciprocal and responsive relationships with their peers and adults in an early childhood setting. Consistency within a peer group allows children to develop enduring, trusting relationships as they do with consistent kaiako.  

Recent research indicates that very young children possess the capacity for prosocial behaviour, empathy, and affection. Yet, they require adult assistance to fully demonstrate and practice their developing social and emotional competence, which includes initiating interactions, negotiating, and managing conflict. Kaiako can offer support by:

• maintaining a calm presence
• naming the problem
• validating children’s emotions
• providing time and an emotionally and physically safe space for the children to problem-solve.

When supporting children’s development of social and emotional competence, kaiako must ensure that they uphold the children’s mana and are not judgmental.

• What strategies do you currently use to intentionally build, maintain and repair responsive and reciprocal relationships with infants, toddlers and their families in your setting?
• What other strategies could you try?  
• Think about a time you noticed an infant’s or toddler’s non-verbal cues. How did you use this as an opportunity to co-regulate?